Hey there,
I know it's not easy. If you are here to read this, I can empathise with you. Sometimes ending a longterm relationship is not due to JUST a mutual breakup between 2 people. It can be violent, abusive and death can also play a role. I recently spoke to a caring man who had lost his wife and they have a son together from the marriage as well. It was way more difficult for him because here the matter was of life and death and he had to accept that his wife was no more, not even to text or call. So, breakups are hard and the first step that you need to take before you attract peace and harmony in your life is to LET GO OF THE PAST but with gratitude and reflection. You must have heard this before but most people ignore it and they head straightaway into whatever options come their way and you may also think what's bad in that, after all what can you do if the other person isn't there anymore. Can you keep sulking & feeling bad? Because that's like walking backwards or running in the opposite direction of Love.
A lot of people would also say that don't get into a fling or don't go for parties or get drunk or make new friends etc. but I would give you a different advise. According to me, you should do whatever you want to let go of the Past. Anything that makes you happy is fine. I am the last person to Judge you for the choices you make in life, but here comes the important part. Before you do anything be it doing a silent retreat in a far off mountain or going to a bar to meet a new hookup date you found on Tinder, GET really clear in your head as to what do you want from life.
JUST PAUSE
Now I am not going to put a timer on this Pause because I have been there and done it all & I feel that everything is just a state of mind. This pause can be for a day or it can be for a year. Don't make it less or more out of fear. BUT no matter what you do JUST PAUSE.
When you pause, take a paper and a pen and write down your goals for the next 5 years and then take a second page and write down the immediate goals for the next 2 years. Read this paper, cross check the points you wrote and be honest to yourself because you are going to do this exercise absolutely alone. No one is going to appreciate you or pull you down with what you write. Honesty with yourself will make you clear with your choices & the time you take to pause will also become more productive in a more natural & organic way.
The reason for pause is your Frequency. If you pick any option that comes your way just to get over your ex, you most probably will attract people who are in the same frequency/vibrational match as you are while going through a heartbreak which still isn't healed. Those people are feeling the same emotion of feeling unlovable or unable to Love another person. Therefore the alcohol, drugs, one-night stands & meaningless flings (superficial behavior) that goes on for a few days, leaves you feeling worse. And you start looking for ways and things to do that can keep you busy. It's like forcing yourself to get out from bed & just going through the day on a repeat mode everyday. It sucks for sure.
The thing to understand is that Heartbreak is a Frequency, its a feeling, a vibrational match of regret, pain, self-hatred and anger. It's the time when you feel you don't deserve to have true love in your life. And, remember, the feeling comes first and then you see it happen in your reality. Most people resort to easy options because they want to get over the heartbreak as soon as possible, they don't want to think and reflect on what led to such a situation and how can it be fixed and removed permanently. Or at-least get into a practice where you can be more aware of yourself, so that the moment you see that you are falling into the Trap of negativity and self hatred you simply get out of it in no time instead of harming your relationship. Your life can't be happy if you don't have happy relationships because important connections we have are a part of our day to day life and still it's not necessary that you like all the people you know. Even more than getting into a new relationship, what matters is ur peace of mind and if you want to attract a loving person in your life, after a heartbreak, the first thing you need to do is :
1. ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE
We need to accept everything that has happened in our life, wanted-unwanted, good-bad or things that seemed pointless and meaningless to our achievements and really try to do it without the concept of duality. Most of the good people are actually quite sinister and most sinister people are good at heart but both of them got it all mixed up and they suffer and burn and then pass it on to everyone around them. This also means Accept what the Universe sends your way and stay observant and aware. Every individual is different and all of us have our own distinctive journey. If you haven't hurt anyone or have been giving your 100% in your situations and still feel lack, then it's time to be more aware and observe... Keep moving on till you are sure you have found the right person who understands you and you feel at ease, but accept what you get with open arms and gratitude.
2. REFLECT
You have to step out & do a retrospection about the events on what went wrong. If you feel relieved and light after the breakup even then you need to examine because feeling relief after the breakup also means that something was not right and yet you were spending so much time and energy on that relationship. There is a major possibility that you could end up attracting a similar relationship soon after. Our life works around the mental patterns we have and if you want to fix your life, the first thing to do is to fix the patterns that cause those situations.
3. FORGIVENESS IS MAGIC
It's a must to forgive those who have hurt you in the past & remember the good times you had with them. Let them go with a loving heart. It doesn't mean you have to dig old graves and go back to them physically, make phone calls or write long emails. Just mentally forgive them & make beautiful prayers for their happiness and imagine them smiling. Wish that they become successful in their life and feel the peace in their hearts. Wish that their wishes come true. It will clear ur energy and remove any negativity that you have been holding on to. Our negative experiences, resentments and hurt stops us from trusting again & giving our heart to someone new. So LEGGO! Wish well for people thinking that are also equally human and not perfect, just like you and me. And, if we haven't been perfect how can they? So, Forgive them and you will find peace in yourself. Then repeat this for all those people who were somehow involved in your breakup, followed by others who had hurt you in different ways in life in a major way. Sometimes our feelings are connected to chronical patterns and even childhood traumas. Make a prayer for all those who have treated you badly and let them all go. It won't be easy to forgive all of them, but you MUST do it. Practise forgiveness for atleast 21 days for your Ex and anyone else involved, like the person they cheated you on with (if it was cheating) or their family members who you feel were filling in your ex's ears or maybe your own family you didn't approve of him /her or any friends or colleagues or whoever you feel could have been a part of it as well. All of them have some or the other Karma attached with you.
4. DON'T BE IN A HURRY
Don't rush to get into a new relationship or hookup with someone as soon as your relationship got over. Doing this can depress you even more. Give yourself time, a minimum of 7 months and maximum a year. Giving more than 1 year is also not advisable because then you would get lazy and not want to change and complaining could become a habit pattern. This time is needed to rejuvenate, reflect and remember the lessons. Put your time in reading good books, watching motivational videos, working on yourself to become a better version of yourself and make a list of what you want to achieve on your own. Dream big and in the meantime if you meet people (you might) then keep things on your terms. Test people to see if they really deserve your time and attention or not and if they don't fit in, don't feel bad about yourself, just know that they are also in some way helping you to grow.
5. MAKE THE BEST CHOICES
Nothing can be more important than this. Our choices define the path our lives would progress on. And being completely honest with yourself in making the best choices can literally make you fly. You can always be flexible with your choices and create whatever you want but every choice will create a new direction. For example, keeping quiet when someone is screaming on you may not sound like a right choice, but it's the best choice to make when it's pointless saying anything. It doesn't mean you are weak or scared of that person, it just means you don't want to waste your energy and add fire to the flame.
Now this may not be the best choice when someone is physically hurting you or a loved one infront of you. That's the time to break that person bones or teach them a lesson for life or simply make an exit plan if you cannot do so & creating a new life from thereon. Make the Best choice not the right or wrong choice. Getting into the right and wrong is simply a Trap.
6. FIND YOUR PASSION
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